loss and love

October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month. It’s a time when we remember those who’ve suffered a pregnancy loss and share their pain. 

But what about pregnancy loss that is self-inflicted? When a woman chooses abortion she is often unaware that although she may feel relief, initially, she will almost certainly experience long-term grief. 

When a baby is lost through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or fetal demise, friends and family gather around the mother to comfort and support her. 

When a baby is lost through abortion, the mother suffers in secret with no one to comfort her or share her pain. There’s a feeling of not deserving comfort because she made the choice. So the grief moves deeper and is silent. The baby’s due date will come and go with no fanfare. Pregnant women will be seen everywhere. A baby’s cry will cause tears to flow. So much pain and loss and so little sharing of this heavy burden.  

Where is comfort to be found? Please Lord, let it be found in your people and in your church. Less judgement, more love. Less stern faces, more hugs. More listening with gentleness so that this deep, dark secret may be safely shared. 

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:1-2 

At Informed Choices, we talk to many young women who have experienced abortion. We meet them with the love of Jesus for past mistakes. We offer the chance for healing through our abortion recovery group. We also offer a safe, welcoming place where she can talk about her situation, her options, and hopefully make a different choice this time, knowing she is not walking this road alone. 

We are on her team. We pray for her. We offer tangible support such as maternity clothes, baby clothes and supplies, classes, and community referrals. Our goal is to share her burdens, past and present. We celebrate this mama and this baby even as we grieve with her for previous loss.